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First Team Players 2001
(as at 17th June)

Dave Howard (Boomer) – Our illustrious skipper. Bats when he wants and bowls when he wants – usually when the wickets are in his favour!! A renowned Stella drinker and smokes as well – a true athlete!
Graham Monk (Chip, Monky, Mad Monk) – Vice skipper and the old man of the team. He has played against some of the biggest names in the sport, including WG Grace and Don Bradman!! Several times winner of the league bowling award for his nagging left arm spin (although you would think that after playing for so many years he would actually turn the thing!)
Martin Davies (Mave) – Right hand bat, plumber and all round nice-guy. Has occasional taken to bowling leggers but suffers from the yips! One of the true heavy-weights amongst the team.
Martin Briggs (Briggy) – The only person allowed to get the fielding point as his name is pre-printed on the score-sheets. Countless times winner of the league fielding award, but still can’t throw a ball straight without waving it about first. Has a nasty tendency to aim for batters rather then the wickets. God-father to my daughter so must have some good points!
David Gardner-Chan (Channy) – the only reason our wives come to watch cricket! Has the legs of a woman but they still adore him. A true style king and sought after model for all the leading fashion houses (Matalan, Debenhams, and most market traders). Usually last the leave the changing rooms as he puts each strand of hair into place!
Richard Palmer (Dicky P) – I can’t remember much about him as he doesn’t play that often any more due to a constant barrage of illnesses. Apparently they are considering taking him in for medical research! A right handed batter who gets stuck where-ever the skipper doesn’t fancy batting himself! His only downpoint is the Arthur Scargill style Shredded Wheat perched on his head.
Paul Spencer (Spen) – The elder and uglier of the Spencer brothers. A fine hitter of the ball when given the chance (that’s a pint you owe me Spen). Following a couple of years of not being able to field a ball for toffee has taken 6 out of 6 catches so far this year. Usually the first to arrive at away grounds as he owns a Subaru Impreza and nobody is allowed to go past him – it’s the law!!
Barry Spencer (Baz) – A legendary all-rounder who is definitely under-utilised in every respect of the game. Also the author of this and all the match reports!!!! His main duties these days revolve around taking catches and providing fags for the skipper. At 5 1/2 foot tall never really going to be a devastating bowler but tries his best. According to the rest of the team cannot run between the wickets (have you tried with pads on and legs as short as mine!!)
Phillip Hall (Biddy) – Another older statesman of the team and legendary wicket keeper. Current world record holder for the longest monotone appeal for an LBW decision. Very difficult to get out when he gets chance to bat as he makes sure he gets his full £4 match fee’s worth at every opportunity.
Rick Whalley (Walls) – One of the successes of our youth policy – a beer-drinking, cocky, arrogant kid with no future what-so-ever in the game !!!! Has not really played 1st XI cricket long enough to have developed any traits worthy of taking the mickey out of him for. Has been a HUGE success this yeear – particularly in the showers!!!!
Shahid Nawaz (Naz) – our professional. Currently in his third year at the club and is signed for another one yet (we forgot to write a get-out clause in his contract!!). The current league record holder for number of runs scored in a season and probably the most destructive batter in the league on his day, (which unfortunately for us happened to have been last year!) An all round all-rounder who has made many friends at the club (the bar-staff especially!). I have never met another player who can count to 6 like Naz can (just ask Dave or Dicky P !!)